Wow.

Larry Craig had sex with this guy.

I don't know what I am doing this weekend, but I'm sure that there will be some trouble involved. I might get down to E & H Friday nite to see Mr. Hartley and Evil, but who knows?

Gulp.

Paul, just stop it. Please.

Here's another example of douchetudinosis.

I hate it. Should I call this restaurant and tell them what this guy is doing for their business? Probably not because it is really not my place to say. But I know that when restaurants give discounts of any kind, they still have to pay taxes on the full amount of the cost of the food and beverages included in such discounts. At the end of each year, the sum of all those discounts has to be accounted for and a tax is levied against the monies "saved" by the discount seekers. So restaurants lose money when they offer discounts, and the IRS wins a fee (however small it might or might not be), and Ryburn is a douche.

Anyway, I had a great weekend. I rocked out at the Black Crowes show on Saturday with Evil, Tricia, and Clay. I got myself a little bit on the tipsy side. Well, a lot on the tipsy. Sorry if I said things I shouldn't have, and sorry for being incoherent to anyone I called or texted. It crept up on me fast, and I should have paced myself. I did, however, make off with the Black Jesus statue from EP's, so stay tuned for pics and updates from me and the Jesus.

Okay. I owe this one to Evil. You're welcome.

Ahh, Ryburn. I swear.
The fun never stops with this guy. Hey, if you want free Wendy's, GO HERE. I don't know about the rest of you, but I really don't think that I want to eat free Wendy's at Court Square EVER. Think about it. It's Wendy's. Albeit free, the idea frankly scares the bejeezus out of me. The only draw is the potential to have a contributing video for the Bum Fights Series. Moreover, it would seem to me (and all of you slightly bright stars out there) that because his hatred of panhandlers and bums is so flagrantly expressed, day in and day out, he would have a FUCKING FIELD DAY, snapping photos of the needy getting their Double-Stack on. I think he's definitely got a vendetta, and by publishing it on his blog, has given his readers this: "Hey, guys, wanna see some panhandling on the real tip? Come to Court Square tomorrow, where they will be giving out FREE Wendy's burgers during prime lunch time, and we can really get pissed at the fact that free food draws the needy and greedy less fortunate! Remember when David Gest gave out free Thanksgiving meals a couple of years ago? Well he ain't got shit on this episode. After we watch the debacle and I take about a million pics of bums with my digicam, we can go to the Saucer and drink $2.50 pints of beer and have a circle jerk! Yay! All my hard work will finally pay off tomorrow! I have the BEST BLOG EVER!!!"

See what I'm getting at here? I mean, even my boyfriend and I call Court Square "Bum Park". Sure, it's pretty and it has a fountain and sometimes bands play there, but sometimes it's scary, like when bums follow you from one side to the other because you've got a cigarette in your hand or because you are smiling back at them (because you really don't want to piss off a crazy, homeless, schizophrenic, hot-tempered homeless person--it couldn't be that you're smiling because you're a nice girl)...C'mon, guys, Paul is making this way too easy for us. This thing tomorrow will be like shooting fish in a bucket for Ryburn. I would go just to see Paul get a Bum-Boner. It's probably tiny. Feel free to pass this on to your friends.

I feel good about it

The Achievers finally reaped the oh-so-good feeling of winning last night! YAAAAY! We kicked ass, 8-5, against the Grass Kickers. A relatively new team, the Grass Kickers played with heart. But not as much as the Achievers. They were a little bitchy (I swear I was gonna kick this one blonde girl in her box) and unorganized, and their defense and knowledge of the rules definitely could use some work and research. It is their first season, and while we should have expected them to not have the great sportsmanship and skill that we have and love to show off, I, for one, didn't expect them to be such dicks about our responses to their blatant disregard of the RULES OF KICKBALL. For the last time, readers and players, BROOKE WAS SAFE! I knew something was in the air, whispering, "WINNER" all day to me. I felt so confident leaving the house and knowing that I wouldn't come home to tell Chris "The usual" when asked about how the game went. The celebratory beers and Jager and Rumple tasted so much better after our sweet victory.
All in all it was a fun time, and I must say CONGRATULATIONS to a team that I am SO SO PROUD to be a part of! Thanks to all of you for playing so well and being a part of something GREAT, something with pizazz, that is the Little Lebowski's Urban Achievers! I love you all!

Now for some douchetude. If you randomly peruse the Ryburn blog, you can come across gems like this and think, either aloud or to yourself, that this guy is FUCKING INCREDIBLE.
Hey, Paul, if your friends got married in Israel, then they're probably Jewish. And if they're Jews who got married in Israel, then they are probably the ones who eat Kosher foods (you know, foods blessed by the Rabbi and not contaminated by mixing meat with dairy and all that), and if that is the case, THEN THEY DON'T EAT AT FUCKING SONIC AND CERTAINLY DON'T NEED YOUR CRAPPY SONIC GIFT CARDS FOR A WEDDING PRESENT! How cheap. They must think that you really care about them and are totally aware of their dietary needs and would be sensitive to their religious affiliations and what they entail. Like not eating Sonic because it isn't Kosher. I have never heard of Kosher fast food. I have heard of Organic "Slim Jim" (yes, they exist, snap into one) and I know that Soft Batch Cookies and Twinkies are Vegan, but Sonic? Kosher? You douche.
I'm not being overly sensitive here. Just the fact that I picked a random blog to view--thinking that they can't all be that bad, only to find out that yes, Audra, they are--makes me very, very sad. Every day, every month, every year, there is a flagrant display of douchitosis that is this guy's blog. How can it be that this guy, who scans newspapers for Sonic Gift Cards to give to his friends as wedding gifts, is the winner of "Best Blog"? Can people not see through this crap that he is a cheap douchebag? I don't know, either.

Well, is it fall or August?

I can't figure out what size font to use. It's kinda pissing me off. I'll try "small". I know I like Verdana, so I'll stick with that.
So, Evil and I (and a lot of few other people) are hating on Paul Ryburn right now. Here's
one reason why he sucks and you can read the rest on his blog. WHICH SUCKS.

Seems he has a reason to dis on Spindini. Check out his 4/20/2007 post. You'll see what I mean. You can't possibly take this guy seriously. He likes the freebies. He likes the Saucer girls (I was one once, and it's creepy). He likes the freebies. And he won "Best Blog" in the "Best of Memphis" poll in the Memphis Flyer this year. He used to go to 6-1-6 in a pimp costume and he tried to pick up 17 year-old girls, for CRYING OUT LOUD! My best friend was one of those 17 year-old girls, drinking beer underage, having a grand old time, and he hit on her (GROSS!); a couple years later, he was her COMP 1200 instructor.
Why do people kiss his ass?! That's kinda like kissing Frederick Koeppel's ass. It's really not gonna do you any good. He might be a regular guy, but he can take you and your livelihood down with one keystroke.
The thing is, I don't think Ryburn is a regular guy. Koeppel is actually a REALLY nice guy. He doesn't expect special treatment. He wants to eat and that's that. I would write about what I think Ryburn does in his spare time, but it could get me into trouble. I think he needs to get a life, take some Milk Thistle, and stop jerking off to his drunken, midnight vision of the skirt-clad Saucer girls.

Here's to you, Fockers

I know we can do it. We can kick ass tonight. We will kick ass tonight.

The Achievers have a mission to blow away the competition this evening at 8:30.

We heard that the Fockers beat their opposing team 25-2 last week. That will not happen tonight. While I am a bit apprehensive because the Albrittens will not be with us, I am STOKED to play 2nd base in KT's spot. I like being pitcher and all, but I am thankful for the opportunity to show off my skills somewhere else on the field. Thank you, Winston and Evil.

Now, I have to find something to wear to the Memphis Flyer's "Best of Memphis" Awards Ceremony. My precious little gay bar got nominated for more categories than did any other restaurant--including "Best Gay Bar"--and we won like 6 awards. So I have to pretty myself up and wear something representative of my fabulous restaurant. I can't look all dyke-y, but I have to be practical because I'm gonna have to do a quick change before the game (did I mention we are gonna KICK ASS tonight?). Sometimes, I hate being a girl because of dilemmas like this. Short notice, look nice (although my boss did suggest wearing my xXx kickball uniform), be there at 6, you can stay for an hour [there will be some booze], just go and represent this place ... FUCK!

I just hope that I grab all my loot before 7:30. I don't want Evil to have a heart attack. I think he may have just had a seizure after the text I sent.

I better get going. It's a great day, and I'm wasting time. Fuck the Fockers, soooie-pig!